“I’m moving abroad and becoming an expat!” Those seven words can have a profound impact on more than just you. For family and friends, the announcement that you are stepping away from the “normal” life can be both confounding and upsetting.

Dealing with the family-friends conundrum may not have been something you anticipated when you made the choice to move to the tropics, but it is something that has to be resolved. Identifying the reasons that those closest to you might object or not understand your choice can also help you to work together so that paradise doesn’t become an emotional purgatory. This is an important part of preparing for your new life in paradise.

Luke Addison

Why Family and Friends May Object to Your Decision

There are a number of factors that could cause surprise and negative reactions to your announcement. Depending on your relationship, these responses can range from surprise, to disapproval and, in some cases support. Below are some of the root causes that may be impacting those closest to you.

They Didn’t See That One Coming

Perhaps the major reason for those closest to you reacting with disbelief to your announcement is the simple fact that they weren’t expecting it. For many people, living in a foreign country is an almost inconceivable concept; to discover that a relative or close friend has decided to do exactly that can be incomprehensible.

Although you may have discussed becoming an expat in casual terms, many people chalk up such talk as wishful thinking. Even if you’ve shared some of your planning with them, friends, co-workers, and family may still have not taken you seriously. Only when the actual steps to moving are underway, does it seem real.

Separation Anxiety

For many family members, particularly older relatives, the thought that you are no longer just a short distance away can be both frightening and frustrating. The immediate reaction is often one of anger and accusation: Why are you leaving us? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know how dangerous it is? Etc.

Keep in mind that the expat choice is a relatively new phenomenon. Retirees in previous years rarely, if at all, considered moving out of the country; in point of fact, it’s only been in the last twenty or so years that expats have discovered the potential that Latin American countries offer in terms of investment and lifestyle.

Being out of touch, or missing out on family events (birthdays, holidays, etc) is also a fear that many relatives have concerning your decision to become an expat. This is as much a matter of perception as anything else; constant improvements in internet, cable and cellular services certainly make it easy to keep in touch although the idea of relying on these technologies can be a whole other issue in and of itself.

That Green-Eyed Monster

Another reason, although one that family/friends may not even be consciously aware of, is envy. The fact that you have a dream that you have decided to turn into a reality can make even those closest to you jealous that you are doing something that, perhaps, they have only dreamed of.

This is easy to recognize by the constant pointing out of all the potential problems that an expat might encounter. These can range from: a foreign language, not enough money to live on, strange food, no modern conveniences, etc. Those who do recognize that they might harbor some jealousy may temper their “doomsaying” by acknowledging that they wish they could do the same thing.

Alec Couros

How to Make It Right with Friends and Family

Once the initial shock has passed, you will have a number of opportunities to help your loved ones accept and, hopefully, embrace your choice to be an expat. What follows are some suggestions to help calm the emotional waters

Be Prepared and Share Your Preparations

Fear of the unknown can drive the most visceral of emotional responses. By sharing with those close to you, your preparations, showing that you are taking steps to protect yourself and your family financially, and seeking feedback, you can defuse a lot of the anxiety friends and relatives may harbor about your well-being once you move.

Show Them That Paradise Isn’t So Far Away

With constant improvements in infrastructure and transportation in many Latin American countries, having your family and friends visit you in your new home is easier than ever. When they see that you aren’t lost in the middle of a tropical rainforest with no way to fly back to the States, the fear that you are no longer “connected” will greatly reduce.

Similarly, by having them share your expat lifestyle, if only for a short time, you are removing the “unknown” from the equation and, as such, reducing their anxiety. Of course, you may discover that they enjoy the tropical world you have found so much that they may not be eager to leave.

Don’t Be a Stranger

With all of the communications options available (social media, email, cellular systems, even computer based phone lines with local U.S. numbers), keeping in touch with everyone back in the States is a convenient way of ensuring that you are still a part of their world and, in turn, that they are a part of yours. Silence is one of the greatest causes of worry by those whose family or friends have moved overseas; by staying connected, that cause for concern is greatly reduced.

Anna Magal

Show Some Tough Love

Ultimately, the decision to become an expat was one that you made for a number of personal reasons. You may have to remind those nearest and dearest to you that this was your choice and that you hope that they can love and support your move to paradise.

For those moving outside the U.S. because they have retired, remember “this is not your father’s retirement.” Retiring today means something totally different than it meant in the mid-to-late 20^th century.  Understanding this difference can also help you explain to older family members that this is not an ending but, in fact, a new beginning.

Expat living is a life-changing event. Sharing it with family and friends and embracing them as part of this new adventure can enrich these moments for all involved. Start your dream today.